When to tell someone

It's ok not to be ok.

Telling someone is brave, not weak. And it's far more normal than you think.

There's a version of this page that just says "talk to someone" and leaves you to work out the rest. This isn't that.

Telling someone is the single most useful thing you can do when things get heavy, and it's also one of the hardest — because you're handing over some control over what happens next. So this page is about when it's time, who to pick, exactly what to say, and what will actually happen afterwards.

Reaching out is the brave thing

Asking for help is not weakness, and it isn't giving up. It's one of the harder things a person can do, and doing hard things is the definition of brave.

It's also completely normal. Something like one in six young people experiences a mental health problem in any given year. You are not unusual, you are not a burden, and you are definitely not the only person at your school going through this.

You don't need to be in crisis to deserve help. You don't need to have a diagnosis, or a good reason, or to be worse than someone else you can think of. Struggling is enough.

How do I know when it's time?

You don't have to reach the bottom of this list to qualify. The first group is the easiest point at which to get help, which is exactly why it's worth saying something then.

Worth mentioning

None of this is dramatic enough to feel like a reason. Tell someone anyway — this is exactly the stage where it's easiest to help.

You've felt low, flat or anxious for more than a couple of weeks.
You're not enjoying things you used to enjoy, and it isn't lifting.
You're tired all the time, or sleeping much more or much less than usual.
You're avoiding school, people, or things you used to be fine with.
You keep crying and you can't always say why.
You've been snapping at everyone and you don't like who you're being.

Tell someone soon

Don't wait for it to get worse to earn the right to speak. This is the point where saying something changes how the next few months go.

Something happened that you haven't told anyone about.
You're using something — drink, weed, vapes, anything — to get through the day.
Your eating has changed and it's taking up a lot of your thinking.
You feel like a burden, or like people would be better off without you around.
You're hurting yourself, or you've started thinking about it.
The thoughts are getting louder, more frequent, or harder to argue with.
You've stopped being able to do the basics — washing, eating, getting up, replying to people.

Tell someone today

Please don't sit with this on your own. Today, to anyone — a parent, a teacher, a helpline, 999. It doesn't have to be the perfect person.

You're thinking about ending your life.
You've made a plan, or you've worked out how you'd do it.
You don't feel able to keep yourself safe today.
Someone is hurting you, or making you do things you don't want to do.
You're frightened of someone at home.

Who to tell

There's no correct person. Pick whoever feels least impossible — you can always tell someone else afterwards.

A parent or carer

They can get you to a GP, talk to school, and change things at home.

Their first reaction may be panic, guilt or too many questions — that's usually fear, not anger. It often lands better on the second conversation than the first.

Another adult in your family

An aunt, uncle, older cousin or grandparent — someone who can tell your parents for you, or with you.

Useful when telling a parent directly feels impossible. Having someone in the room changes the conversation completely.

A teacher you trust

Adjustments at school, and they've almost certainly done this before.

Teachers have safeguarding duties, so they may need to pass on anything about your safety. They should tell you if they're doing that.

School counsellor, nurse or safeguarding lead

This is literally their job, and they know what's available locally.

Usually the fastest route to actual support inside school. You can normally self-refer without a teacher involved.

Your GP

The main route to real treatment — therapy, referrals, and ruling out physical causes.

In the UK you can see a GP on your own from any age, and ask for the appointment to be confidential. You can write it down and hand it over if saying it out loud is too much.

A helpline or text service

Any time, anonymous, and no obligation to do anything afterwards.

Best first step if you want to say it out loud to someone who doesn't know you. Childline 0800 1111, or text SHOUT to 85258.

A friend

Not being alone with it, and being believed.

Real support, but not a substitute for an adult — it's a lot to put on another teenager, and they can't access help for you. Tell a friend and an adult.

Words you can use

"Talk to someone" isn't advice without the words to use. Borrow any of these — including the text-message versions, which count just as much as saying it out loud.

Opening it with a parent

"Can I talk to you about something? I need you to just listen first."
"I've not been okay for a while and I didn't know how to say it."
"I don't need you to fix it. I just need you to know."

If saying it out loud is impossible

Text it: "I need to tell you something but I can't say it out loud. I've been struggling with how I feel and I think I need help."
Write it on paper and hand it over, then leave the room if you need to.
Send them this page. "This is what's going on with me" is a complete sentence.

To a teacher

"Can I talk to you for a minute? It's not about the work."
"I'm not coping very well at the moment and I don't know who to tell."
"Is there someone at school I can talk to about how I'm feeling?"

To a GP

"I've been feeling low / anxious for a few months and I want some help with it."
"I've been having thoughts about hurting myself."
"Can this appointment be confidential?" — you're allowed to ask this first.

About suicidal thoughts

"I've been thinking about not being here any more."
"I need help and I'm scared to say it."
"I don't feel safe on my own tonight."
Saying it plainly is better than hinting. Hints get missed, and this is too important to leave to interpretation.

If the first person doesn't get it

"I don't think you understood how serious this is for me."
"I need to talk to someone else about this."
One bad response is one person having a bad response. It is not the answer from everyone, and it doesn't mean you were wrong to speak.

Will they tell my parents?

This is the question that stops most people, so here's a straight answer rather than a comforting one.

Helplines like Childline and Shout are confidential. They will not contact your parents or your school unless they believe you or someone else is in immediate serious danger — and they'll normally talk to you about it first.

Teachers and school staff have safeguarding duties. If what you tell them suggests you're at risk of serious harm, they have to pass it on to the safeguarding lead, who may involve your parents or other services. They should tell you what they're doing and why. You can ask "what will you have to do with this?" before you tell them anything.

GPs treat what you say as confidential, including from your parents, unless there's a risk of serious harm. In the UK you can see a GP alone at any age.

If you want to test the water first, a helpline is the safest place to start — you stay in control and nothing has to happen next.

What actually happens afterwards

Fear of the unknown keeps a lot of people quiet, so here's the unremarkable reality.

Nobody will take you away. That's the fear a lot of people have, and it's not how this works.
You won't be sectioned for admitting you feel low. Hospital is rare, short, and only for people at serious immediate risk.
Most first steps are unremarkable: a GP appointment, a chat with someone at school, a referral onto a waiting list, sometimes some reading or an app.
You'll usually be asked directly whether you've thought about suicide or self-harm. That's routine, not an accusation, and honest answers get you better help.
You can bring someone with you, and you can ask for a female or male practitioner.
Waiting lists are unfortunately real in a lot of places. Ask what's available while you wait — there's often more than gets offered up front.
You can change your mind about how much you share, and you can stop at any point.

The reasons people don't, and why they don't hold

"I'm not bad enough to need help."

There's no threshold. Help isn't rationed to whoever is suffering most, and getting support earlier is easier and works better than getting it late.

"They'll think I'm attention seeking."

Wanting someone to notice you're struggling is a completely reasonable thing to want. The phrase 'attention seeking' is mostly used by people who don't understand distress.

"I'll be a burden."

The people who care about you would far rather know and not be able to fix it than not know at all. Ask any parent whose child didn't tell them.

"I don't know how to explain it."

You don't have to. "I'm not okay and I don't know why" is enough. Explaining it well is not your job.

"It'll make it real."

It's already real. Saying it out loud usually makes it smaller, not bigger — that's most people's experience of the first conversation.

"Nothing will change anyway."

Sometimes the first attempt doesn't help much. Second attempts frequently do, with a different person. Most people who got help had at least one useless conversation on the way.

"My family don't talk about this stuff."

Then start outside the family — a teacher, a GP, a helpline. You don't need permission from your household to get help.

It's ok not to be ok.

It's ok not to be ok. It's ok to not have a reason. It's ok to have been pretending for months.

You don't have to do this well. You just have to tell one person.

And if the first person gets it wrong, tell someone else. Keep going until someone listens properly, because someone will.