The short version
- Consent must be freely given, informed, specific, reversible and enthusiastic.
- Being in a relationship does not create ongoing consent.
- Someone who is drunk, high or asleep cannot consent.
- Pressure counts even when it's gentle, funny, or framed as love.
- Freezing instead of fighting or saying no is a normal reaction — and it is not consent.
Consent, in plain terms
Consent means everyone involved actively wants what's happening, knows what's happening, and is free to change their mind at any point. It isn't the absence of a 'no' — it's the presence of a genuine 'yes'.
It has to be ongoing. Saying yes to one thing is not saying yes to everything, and saying yes last week is not saying yes today. Anyone can stop at any moment, including halfway through, including without giving a reason.
It also can't be given by someone who is asleep, drunk, high, or under the legal age of consent where they live. Those aren't technicalities — they're the whole point. If someone can't freely say no, their yes doesn't count.
- Freely given — no pressure, guilt-tripping, threats or wearing someone down.
- Informed — nobody's lying about protection, other partners, or who else might see photos.
- Specific — yes to one act isn't yes to another.
- Reversible — always, at any point, no explanation needed.
- Enthusiastic — silence, freezing, or 'I guess' is not a yes.
Pressure doesn't always look like pressure
Very little pressure sounds like a threat. Most of it sounds like love, or logic, or a joke. That's what makes it hard to name in the moment.
If you notice you're doing something to stop someone being annoyed, to keep them interested, to prove something, or because it's easier than another argument — that's pressure, even if nobody raised their voice.
- "If you loved me you would."
- "Everyone our age has." (They haven't. Surveys consistently show teens overestimate how many of their peers are having sex.)
- "You got me like this, it's unfair to stop now." — nobody is owed sex, ever, at any point.
- "I'll break up with you." — then that's a relationship with a price tag on your body.
- Repeatedly asking after you've said no, until you give in to end it.
- Sending nudes to 'prove' you're serious. (Also: sharing sexual images of anyone under 18 is illegal, even if it's you.)
Things you can actually say
You do not owe anyone a well-argued case. "No" is a complete sentence. But having a line ready makes it much easier to get the words out when your heart is pounding.
- "I'm not up for that."
- "I like you, and I'm still not doing this."
- "Ask me again in a month."
- "I don't want to. That's the whole reason."
- "If you keep pushing, I'm going home."
- Or leave. You don't need to finish the conversation.
If something already happened that you didn't agree to
It wasn't your fault. Not because of what you wore, what you drank, whether you went to their room, whether you'd said yes before, whether you froze instead of fighting, or whether you're in a relationship with them. Freezing is one of the most common reactions there is, and it is not consent.
You can talk to someone about it whenever you're ready — there's no deadline and no requirement to report anything to anyone. A sexual assault referral service, a doctor, or a helpline can talk through options confidentially, including health checks and emergency contraception if relevant.
Myths worth binning
❌Everyone my age is having sex.
Most surveys find teens significantly overestimate this. A large share of people haven't had sex by the end of their teens, and rates have been falling, not rising.
❌If I already said yes, I can't stop.
You can stop at any point, for any reason or none. Consent is reversible.
❌It's not assault if it's my boyfriend or girlfriend.
Relationship status makes no difference. Sex without consent is assault regardless.
Check what stuck
Quick multiple choice, with an explanation after every answer. Nobody sees your score.