6 min
When someone dies
What grief actually does, why it doesn't come in stages, and how to handle the bits nobody warns you about.
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Grief & loss
When something's gone and everyone expects you to be fine by now
Death, family separation, and losing friendships. All three are grief, whatever anyone tells you about which ones are allowed to count.
There are no five stages
It's the most repeated and least accurate thing people are told about loss — that model described people who were dying, not people who were bereaved. Grief comes in waves, at unhelpful moments, in an order nobody chose. You aren't behind, and you can't be doing it wrong.
5 min
When your family changes shape
Separation, divorce, moving out, step-families — and why this is grief even though nobody died.
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4 min
Losing a friend who's still alive
Friendship endings, being dropped, and growing apart — the loss people tell you doesn't count.
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All of this is normal
Most people privately think their reaction is the wrong one. Grief is stranger and more physical than anyone warns you.
- Feeling nothing at all, especially at first
- Laughing, and then feeling guilty for laughing
- Being furious with them, or with everyone else
- Forgetting for an hour and remembering with a jolt
- Being fine for weeks and floored in a supermarket
- Physical stuff — exhaustion, appetite, chest tightness
- Not crying, when you expected to
- Feeling relieved, if it had been long or difficult
Quiz: grief & loss
Five questions on what grief actually does, and the myths that make people think they're doing it wrong.
If grief is stopping you functioning months on, or you're having thoughts of not wanting to be here, that isn't a character flaw and it isn't permanent. Winston's Wish (08088 020 021) is specifically for young people who've been bereaved.